The Fear of Aging

The Fear of Age

Going more philosophical than financial but there is a financial element embedded in this. Days are flying by. Weeks are flying by. Months are flying by. Even years are running at a good speed. I am going to be 27 years old this year. My brother is hitting the big 30. Since 2019 my life has hit a speed boost. At a speed that I can barely get my bearings in. I am just living life. Enjoying two weeks of vacation a year. Visiting my parents a few times a year, visiting my grandparents a few times a year, calling them once a month. I have reached an age when my grandparents that are still alive are starting to show more issues. Even my grandfather, a man that showed no issues is beginning to slow down. Having issues with his legs, issues with his heart. His body is starting to really showcase his age. When I was younger, he was superman. He could run faster than his grandkids, he taught us to fish, he could fix anything. He was always outside doing something. Mowing grass, tinkering with other things. I worked with him for a few summers when I got older. Put up a new roof with him and understand that maybe school and working behind a computer screen weren’t so bad.

My grandma has been slowing down at a rapid manner after 2020 COVID left her in her home all alone. I thought she was going to pass within a few years after that shutdown left her with no routine, no purpose. She began to have dementia, she couldn’t drive, she couldn’t do anything. My parents moved in with her, bringing their dog with them. With that dog, she had a new purpose, a better routine. She was able to slow down dementia and live a fuller life. She can’t drive anymore and spends 90% of her life at home, with 60% of that being asleep.

Even my parents are beginning to slow down. My dad once sprained his ankle and was couch ridden for weeks. Since then, he has started to go to the gym more than ever before and has brought my mom along. He still is slowing signs of age, mostly mentally, with him acting more and more like our grandfather. Physically, he completed a marathon with me earlier this year, a price was paid but he was able to finish it. I never thought he was going to finish either, it was a rough batch of miles for him. He was motivated by finishing with his two kids, so he was able to push across the line.

My mom loved to walk for as long as I remember. I went to a theme park yesterday she couldn’t walk a half mile back to her hotel. I have never seen her do that. She complains more about her different ailments, “take care of yourself now”, she has said that repeatedly.

Take care of myself now. I am at a 23% body fat percentage. Down from 26% body fat. I am 205 pounds, down from 220 at my heaviest. I still have stomach issues if I eat too much, eat the wrong things. How am I in the worst shape I have been in my life when I have no kids? All the time in the world. That answer hasn’t come to me yet. I haven’t been able to maintain a healthy weight for a few years now. I have shrunk most of my fatty areas other than the accumulation around my stomach. How do I take care of myself? I probably should stop the sugary stops at night to get an ice cream. It has been hard to do that though. I was able to drop 25 pounds and be in the best shape while I was marathon training, but since then I grew and grew. I have added a few extra habits to get down the weight though. When I got my sedentary job, I didn’t change any habits. I wouldn’t exercise after work, and I ballooned up to my highest. 28% body fat, 220 pounds. I finally started to walk as my mental health battle began because I felt like shit and those walks transformed me. I was able to start losing weight. Adding in my three times a week running for my marathon and I started losing more and more to 25 pounds in six months. A very easy and sustainable way to lose weight. Eat less, walk at least a few miles at work, run three times a week. I felt the best I felt in years during my marathon. After the tumble back into complacency and a very busy period of life, I got another wakeup call. The scale told the story of me relapsing into gaining weight. 10/25 of the pounds I worked so hard to sustainably remove from my arms, legs, neck, face, and belly had appeared again.  

It brings me into a scary situation. If I don’t take care of myself, I could be a liability to my family. Not an asset. Everything is in my control currently. I can decrease my pace of aging. Science will back me up too, that isn’t just a crazy dream that I have with no evidence. The people that walk everywhere, take care of their bodies, continue living with purpose are the ones that live the longest and have the most happiness in their lives. I see sad situations all the time, where physically, a person could be dealt a bad hand, stuff coming up out of their control, but I am sure there are a lot of people like me out there. Plenty of potential to be in great shape and choose to be lazy. Which could have a huge impact, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will catch up to you. This was me, I could eat anything, never exercise, and my metabolism would destroy all bad calories. This was able to stay around for a few years, I had jobs that were decently physical. The sedentary job and the mid-twenties happened, and the later twenties would be very bad on me if I didn’t come back down to a balanced lifestyle.

I have seen several different people with different phases of memory loss as they get older. All of them make me really sad. Not being able to take care of yourself is a hard pill to swallow. The days keep flying by so the old age is going to come pretty quickly. And it scares me. What if I don’t save enough money? What if I don’t take care of my brain and body? One of my largest fears.

I feel like I am doing right though. I am putting well over 20% aside for retirement which in a broken down for simplicity the 50/30/20 percentage rule of how to split up income, I am doing well above that. My anxiety still doesn’t believe I will have enough. My goal is to have something to pass down to my kids. Knowledge, skills, and cash. To give them a better life than I had. My life was great, so I have big shoes to fill.